The Art of Expressing Emotions: 6 Steps for effective expression

We have been in that place or seen someone go through overwhelming emotions. We have all gone through times when we couldn’t regulate or didn’t know how to regulate our emotions. Or when we were confused because we were having mixed emotions. Its also common to have tried to avoid some very difficult or negative emotions; we have either tried to suppress or avoid them. People may express emotions spontaneously and even unconsciously without awareness. But it is important to stay with uncomfortable, overwhelming or negative emotions and be aware of them. Stay with them; instead of avoiding them.

Culturally expression of negative emotions can be discouraged and even in families there maybe unspoken rules about expressing emotions; which may lead to denial and emotional dissociation. Children learn to regulate their emotions and express their emotions from imitating the parents’ emotional expression and regulation. Hence, parents have the responsibility to follow and also teach adaptive emotional regulation and healthy expression.

Contents

1. Importance of Emotional Expression and Regulation

2. The Amygdala Hijack

3. Preventing and Stopping an Amygdala Hijack

4. 6 Steps for Effectively Expressing Emotions

Importance of emotional expression and regulation

Expressing emotions and regulating emotions is an important human capacity which can lead to better mental and physical health. When we experience emotions such as excitement, happiness, sadness, worry etc. our emotional states are elevated and then we return back to our stable balanced state; also called homeostasis. But when this equilibrium is disturbed, it could cause a rage of mental health concerns. For example: Although some amount of anxiety before an exam can help you prepare in advance thoroughly; but when it crosses a certain threshold and increases in intensity it can become maladaptive; leading to avoidance or impacting performance. The duration and intensity of emotions are important aspects to be aware of (Gross, Uusberg, & Uusberg, 2019). Inability to regulate and cope with overwhelming or challenging emotions can play a role in maintaining and developing various mental health disorders especially anxiety, depression, substance abuse disorders etc. (Berking & Wupperman, 2012). Read More.

Effectively expressing emotions and regulating emotions in interpersonal relationships can help in communication, expression of each other’s needs, better communication, understanding and intimacy. Although for the above to occur, a prerequisite of having a safe space and trust is essential for communication of needs and emotions to take place in a relationship. The timing of communication and the emotional state of the people involved is also an aspect to take into consideration while trying or initiating a discussion of an issue. In case of a lack of emotional regulation in interpersonal relationships, people usually tend to hurt each other with their words or actions; something people would regret when they return to homeostasis. Hence, its is important to learn to express and regulate emotions in a way that is healthy and lets you communicate or express them to reach goals and needs. An incremental learning strategy for emotional awareness can be useful instead of hurrying towards blind catharsis and venting.

The Amygdala Hijack

Amygdala is part of the limbic system of the brain, it’s located at the base of the brain; one on each hemisphere. Limbic system is a collective of the hypothalamus, hippocampus, amygdala, limbic cortex containing cingulate gyrus and parahippocampal gyrus and thalamus. It is responsible for behavioral and emotional responses, emotional regulation, memory formation and storage etc. (Guy-Evans, 2021). Amygdala has various functions; one important one is that it plays a major role in fight or flight response. Its key regulating our fear responses to environmental threats. Amygdala is also involved in attaching emotions to our memories and giving them emotional meaning (Moyer, 2019).

Daniel Goleman in his book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ; talks about amygdala hijack. He says when we perceive environmental threats, it is our automatic evolutionary response to activate fight and flight by the amygdala; but there is also the newer higher functioning part of the brain the frontal lobe which plays a role in decision making, rational thinking, reasoning etc. happen; is also functioning trying to process and think about the danger present and our emotions and regulating them to come with a logical response. This higher functioning is in our control unlike the automatic response of the amygdala. If the frontal lobes process it to be a mild danger, the frontal lobe takes over the amygdala and responds in a rational fashion. But, if the threat is high, amygdala takes over and initiates the fight or flight response (Moyer, 2019).

In the current day, there are more psychological threats than physical threats. And these psychological threats, triggers can bring up some strong emotions. And sometimes during these strong emotions, the amygdala can hijack your frontal lobes and lead to an irrational, sudden overreaction. This is biology behind when a person overreacts or says or does irrational things when they are going through strong overwhelming emotions. When they return to homeostasis and their frontal lobes are functioning again; they may regret or find it irrational themselves.

Preventing and Stopping an Amygdala Hijack

The first step for prevention is awareness. Be aware of your triggers; you can identify these from the previous hijack experiences (Moyer, 2019). It is also helpful to identify your stressors, fears etc. Once, you’ve identified your triggers, pause and pay attention to the bodily changes you have when you are triggered, like increased heartbeat, sweating, increased respiration etc. You can remove yourself from the environment, take deep breathes; this gives a chance for your frontal lobes to function and you can then think as to how you can respond in a calm, composed and rational manner. You can also achieve awareness through mindfulness; which involves giving attention to the now, the environment around, and going through bodily sensations and thoughts without judgements.

6 Steps for Effectively expressing emotions:

1.Creating a safe space: Especially for expressing emotions in an interpersonal relationship, creating and maintaining a safe space is a pre-requisite for expressing and exploring emotions of each other. There needs to be trust, openness from both sides to hear each other’s feelings out. Importantly, there needs to be acceptance, non-judgmental and an ideal place and time. Make sure you and your partner are calm and composed while doing this and not when emotions are running high.

And in other cases, a safe space could be a space with no disturbances, alone and calming; where one can get a chance to express their emotions in a healthy way of their choice.

2. Awareness: The next important step is awareness. Being aware of the emotions one is going through. One can become aware of them by locating or sensing the emotion in their body; which can work as a cue to help you become aware of your emotions. This can work with children and especially with anger. For example: Showing s drawing of a child, one can help the child identify the changes anger brings to his/her body such as closed fists, frowned face etc. So, next time the child observes these changes in the body; he can identify anger and use appropriate methods to cool off. Techniques such as the empty chair and exaggeration can help in identifying one’s emotions. For example: In exaggeration, a person is asked to exaggerate a movement or phrase such as shaking a leg or folded fist to help the client gain awareness about the emotion attached with the particular behavior. In the empty chair technique, either with an interpersonal conflict or intrapersonal conflict; one sits opposite an empty chair and is asked to visualize part of him/herself or a person whom he/she has conflict with and is asked to engage in conversation. One can express their thoughts, emotions and about the conflict. Later one is asked to switch their place with the opposite person and is asked to respond from their perspective, feelings etc. This can help in verbalizing the conflict, get in touch with emotions and also help you understand things from the other person’s point of view. The above two techniques can be especially helpful with adolescents and adults. Note: Above techniques are to be done under the supervision of a therapist and not otherwise.

3. Articulation and ownership: After gaining insight, the next step is to name the emotion. This involves labelling an emotion and giving it a concrete name like anger, frustration, betrayal etc. And then taking ownership of the emotions. Certain times for a myriad of reasons be it personal, culturally etc. experiencing certain emotions is tabooed ad not allowed. Like not letting boys cry etc. Due to these rules, people may deny or suppress them. But to express and move on, one needs to be aware of it, own it, accept it and express it.

4. Expression: Next comes expression. One can choose any adaptive way they are comfortable in to express. Journaling, expressive art like dancing, drawing, painting, singing etc. For catharsis and venting, one can cry, do deep breathing, meditate, when angry punch a pillow, tear a paper, scratch a paper, anything that is not hurting you or others.

5. Acceptance: It is important to practice self-acceptance and increase our capacity to deal with difficult emotions.

6. Transformation, reconstruction and reframing, problem solving: Once we have learnt to express emotions and deal with them; we can start problem solving or reconstruction and reframing depending on the problem. Since, emotions are not so overwhelming anymore; one can look towards resolution. If problem solving is possible; then one can take steps towards problem solving and finding possible solutions. And if problem solving is not possible, then acceptance, reframing and reconstruction help.

References

Berking, M., & Wupperman, P. (2012). Emotion regulation and mental health: recent findings, current challenges, and future directions. Current Opinion in Psychiatry .

Gross, J. J., Uusberg, H., & Uusberg, A. (2019). Mental illness and well‐being: an affect regulation perspective. World Psychiatry, 130–139.

Guy-Evans, O. (2021, April 22). Limbic System: Definition, Parts, Functions, and Location. Retrieved from simply psychology: https://www.simplypsychology.org/limbic-system.html

Moyer, N. (2019, April 22). Amygdala Hijack: When Emotion Takes Over. Retrieved from Healthline : https://www.healthline.com/health/stress/amygdala-hijack