Signs of an Abusive Relationship

Domestic violence and abuse has transgressed gender, cultures, age, race etc. Its prevalent worldwide. 64% of women and 36% of men were victims of intimate partner or family related homicide. 82% of women and 18% of men were victims of intimate partner homicide; according to a 2018 Global study on Homicide by UNODC (United Nations office of Drugs and crime). 27% of women aged between 15-49 at least once in their lifetime have been subjected to some form of violence from their intimate partners. 1 in 3 women worldwide have been subjected physical or sexual abuse from their intimate partner or non-partner abuse (sexually) or both. In India, according to the National Family Health Survey- 4 in 2015-16; 30% of women who were ever married between the age of 15-49 experienced physical, sexual or emotional abuse form their intimate partners. And only 14% of women who have ever gone through any kind of violence have sought help and 77% never sought help or told anyone. The major source of help is from the family- both family of birth and family of marriage (94%), the rest are form friends, religious leaders, police and only 1% sought help from a medical professional/lawyer/social service organization.

The COVID 19 lockdown situation has made it worse, increasing the exposure to abusive partners and limiting access to services. In India, between March and May of 2020, a 10 year high record number of domestic violence complaints were made; as reported by The Hindu.

Looking at the prevalence rates both globally and in India, it becomes all the more important to under what an abusive relationship is and what are the forms of abuse. It is important to educate all age groups on this aspect. Its important to educate children good touch and bad touch and immediately inform an adult that they trust as to what happened. Its important to educate adolescents and young adults on the various forms of abuse and as to where and how to seek help and what they must do. Recognizing the signs can help them avoid or get out of an abusive relationship early.

Abusive experiences have severe impacts on both physical and psychological health of the victims. All health care professionals must go through the screening process training for abuse and violence or be aware of it. Identifying the signs can save lives.

1. Physical abuse: They hurt partner physically- Slapping, pushing, kicking, hitting, choking, threatening to hit, shoving, dragging, stabbing, scratching etc.

2. Sexual abuse: Forcing their partner to into sex Forcing partner to sexual acts that they are not comfortable with Performing degrading sexual acts

3. Psychological abuse/ Emotional Abuse This is when the partner uses certain acts to humiliate the partner. This involves Criticizing, insulting humiliating the partner in public Blackmailing, name-calling Restricting access to healthcare for the partner- not letting them go to the hospital, or access services like helplines etc. By not giving them access to phones. This can also involve always accompanying the partner to the doctor to control them from not revealing anything. This is hard to identity because the abuser can be misunderstood as a caring partner. Restricting access to friends and family- not allowing the partner to meet their friends, family. Spying or following the partner or keeping an eye on them as to what they are doing and where they are going, who they are meeting. This can involve frequently calling and checking on them. This can also be hard to identify because this behavior can be seen as caring.

4. Financial abuse: This form of abuse involves restricting the partner's ability to earn, use or acquire money and resources. Restricting the partner from working and earning money. This can go as far as sabotaging prospective job interviews. Controlling the money that the partner has, saying where to spend it, on what to spend it and not giving partner the independence to spend it. Not giving access to bank accounts or controlling their bank accounts. Damaging property and possessions Using money without their consent.

5. Controlling behaviors This refers to a range of acts performed to make the partner dependent on them or subordinate to them by isolating from resources; which could support them or get them out of the relationship. This could involve isolating them from family and friends- not letting the partner meet them. Restricting access to healthcare. Controlling their everyday behavior. Restricting access to anything that will help them be independent like job, bank accounts, property etc.

These behaviors are harder to spot and not really recognized. Being aware of the above helps the person involved in the relationship to become aware and seek help. So many partners don't leave the relationship because they don't recognize it's toxic and start to justify some of the behaviors of the abuser. This also helps other people around them to identify and help.

If you have ever experienced any of the above, please seek help. There is hope, there is help available. There are helplines and organizations that can help. A healthy relationship should make you grow, feel safe and feel good about yourselves. Any relationship that does the opposite is not worth it. YOU are important and deserve love and respect. Please seek help.

References

National Family Health Survey- 4 report pdf. http://rchiips.org/nfhs/nfhs-4Reports/India.pdf

World Health Organization- Violence Against Women- Article dated March 9th, 2021. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/violence-against-women

Global Study on Homicide(2018) - United Nations Office of Drugs and Crime Report https://www.unodc.org/documents/data-and-analysis/GSH2018/GSH18_Gender-related_killing_of_women_and_girls.pdf

Domestic Violence Complaint at a 10 year high, The Hindu, by Vignesh Radhakrishnan, Sumanth Sen, Naresh Singaravelu, dated June 24th, 2020. https://www.thehindu.com/data/data-domestic-violence-complaints-at-a-10-year-high-during-covid-19-lockdown/article31885001.ece